Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
