my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
