If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
NoShamevember. You game?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
