Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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