Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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