I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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