I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
