Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
