i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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