bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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