just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
