if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
