We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
