He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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