I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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