I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
