Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
