it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
