The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
