just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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