The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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