I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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