Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
