You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
