my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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