I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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