k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
