I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
