before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
