Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
