While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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