I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
