my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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