i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
