I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize