Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
