there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
