I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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