i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
