...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
