She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
