Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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