whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
