i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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