It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
