booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
