I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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