woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
