Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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