Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
