I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
