its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
