On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
