Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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