My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
