dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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