nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
