i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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