please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she peed on how many people?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
