I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize