the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
