It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
