Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
