Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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