a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
