My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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