Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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