I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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