Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
