No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
