I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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