I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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