seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
