Plan B is the new Plan A
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
