the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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