the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
