I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
