Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
