ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
