Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
do nipples grow back?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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